Bullying

I don't know if I've seen a more powerful video. No matter how many times I watch it, I can't watch it without crying. The focus is at the teenage level but that's hardly the only people it happens too. These words from my ex is a prime example:

My ex: actually lanie take off your clothes and stand in front of the mirror and say to your self what the #*@! does any man see in this
My ex: you should be happy if even one man in your life find's that attractive
My ex: better yet check out the latest penthouse #*@!

Those are fairly "soft" words/comments from him than what he normally has to say. I'd say he's just being mean because he's my ex, but I've listened to that from him for 18 years - just about as long as I've known him.

The power of words is HUGE. Change your words people, change your words. Talk about something else. Is there really any good reason for spreading hate and hurting others? Why do we do it? Is it really "natural" as the one student in the video stated?

And the students, the kids, is really why I cry. I find myself in a situation where we need to live in a not so good side of town and my boys attend a *very* rough school - there are no other schools they can go to instead in the area. The school year is almost done but my boys have learned very, very fast they *need* to be "tough" and "bad" or they are going to be picked on, bullied and beat up nearly every single day. I'm not going to name the school but this particular problem is rampant. The children at this school of one of two options: Live and attend school in fear, or be as bad as the next guy. It is the hardest thing in the world as a parent to be afraid to send your child to school - yet are required to by law.

I don't know how many times my children have come home beat up. Or refuse to leave the school without an adult escort in order to save themselves from being beaten up. Once they learned this is how this school is they went with option #2 ...to be as bad as the next guy. To do anything else is to make yourself an even greater target for bullying. "Telling" is the *last* things my boys want to do! They have told, involved the police and have seen what happens. Almost nothing. Not until the bullies involved become extreme with their bullying. It takes the extreme bullying before the offenders are removed from the school or before they are charged with anything.

That charging other kids is another issue all it's own in this city/province. It floors me that it is up to my 13 year old son if any legal action is going to be taken, not me! He's not capable of making that decision. Left up to him he is going to say "do nothing" because to do anything else is going to bring more bullying on him - and he's right! So bullying goes on rampant. The school itself says there is not a "gang issue" in the school - all the *students* at the school know better. So does the staff, they just won't admit it.

Where and when and how did being so bad become so damn cool?!

I wish their school would try something like the students in this video did. I wish they would do *something* - *anything*.

I asked the boys to watch the video with me. I spoke them in much more detail at the abuse I have suffered at their dad's hand (as far as I'm concerned they are old enough to know the truth and that women - or those abused - often eventually *will* fight back - if they are lucky enough to feel strong enough). I've spoken about all the different ways I've handled in the past and that ultimately only one works: standing up to him and letting him know he can't do that - and charging the hell outta him every time he tried. I got tired of the threat that he will kill me and adopted an attitude of bring it on. I'm still standing. Still breathing. I'm not dead.

My boys have moved away from also doing bullying - as that was their first line of defense - that 2nd option I mentioned. They still won't report the bullying - they did at the beginning of the year and don't want to go through that again, and I don't blame them. I was quite disappointed in them to see them take on the role of bullier - but luckily that got stopped fast! They know better know - that there is some place between the two - and it might be tough to find it, but that's where you need to be.

If nothing else, I hope the video you watched touched you in some way and even if you only stop for a moment to consider how you might change your own behavior or what you can do to help diminish bullying ...then this post was worth it.

I'm as good as you and you're as good as me and that's that. End of story.

Lanie