Been a few days!

Hey, been a few days since I had anything to say here. I guess I was in a little bit of a "funk" - I don't know, guess that's what I call it when it isn't an all out depression.

The guys in my life have been a bit of a 'bother' lately. My ex figured that when I didn't throw him in jail when I easily could have that it meant there was "something" left between us and that we should give things a try again and I didn't look forward to that fight, but I had to have it. For someone who doesn't like to hear "no" from me all the time he should change his questions or quit askin' the same one all the time! lol ...it would help :P

Anyway, the reason why I opted to request that he not do jail time? Cuz then who's gonna pay for his kids!?! He has responsibilities to take care of that affects 3 people in this house - that's why he's not in jail. Not because I "forgive" him for being an ass or think that I was wrong to call the police in the first place. Call me up freaking and threatening to kill me if I don't do what you want? I have a right to call the police. Especially when in the past the threat of violence as gone past a threat and become a fact. Why would I go back??? It was hell to get out of in the first place! Once it was good an over I knew I'd never be back so that I'd never have to try and get out again. Why do abusive men think their woman *want* to be back? Where do they get that idea from? For the poor woman who goes back, often with claims of great love ...my heart goes out to them cuz it's not that they *want* to go back ...for those women, the choice is gone.

So...I have another question - why do people (yes, people, because I've seen women do this too) think attempting to hurt someone or make them feel bad about themselves is the way to motivate them around to what you want?

For example:

My ex: actually lanie take off your clothes and stand in front of the mirror and say to your self what the #*@! does any man see in this
My ex: you should be happy if even one man in your life find's that attractive
My ex: better yet check out the latest penthouse #*@!

Of course, he's the "one man" I should be happy with! Yeah right - this sounds like something I'd be so damn happy with! And well, I kinda delight in being able to provide him a list of guys who like what they see :P ...not that I do, I don't even respond to such things ...oh but I could, lol

There is a guy that does impress me a whole heck of a lot that I'd love to work things out with that I was supposed to see on Thursday - and oh how I'd been looking forward to that for oh so very many reasons, each one he knows ;) Thursday didn't work out tho and that was a real bummer. He's got this shit going on his life that is a constant interference and as patient as I try to be, it's just getting hard.

In the end the one guy that is there - *always* - for all my happy and sad moments is the one who I love to no fuckin' end, but it hardly matters cuz he's a million miles away from me *sigh*.

I was thinking of maybe refreshing my POF profile and finding a 'summer friend.' I don't want to spend this summer sitting around wishing I had someone to do something with - ya know? Last summer was a bummed out summer ...I don't want another one this year.

We'll see.

Anyway, that catches things up -- been "away" dealing with the men in my life ;)

Lanie