Saturday, May 17, 2008
Bullying
I don't know if I've seen a more powerful video. No matter how many times I watch it, I can't watch it without crying. The focus is at the teenage level but that's hardly the only people it happens too. These words from my ex is a prime example:
My ex: actually lanie take off your clothes and stand in front of the mirror and say to your self what the #*@! does any man see in this
My ex: you should be happy if even one man in your life find's that attractive
My ex: better yet check out the latest penthouse #*@!
Those are fairly "soft" words/comments from him than what he normally has to say. I'd say he's just being mean because he's my ex, but I've listened to that from him for 18 years - just about as long as I've known him.
The power of words is HUGE. Change your words people, change your words. Talk about something else. Is there really any good reason for spreading hate and hurting others? Why do we do it? Is it really "natural" as the one student in the video stated?
And the students, the kids, is really why I cry. I find myself in a situation where we need to live in a not so good side of town and my boys attend a *very* rough school - there are no other schools they can go to instead in the area. The school year is almost done but my boys have learned very, very fast they *need* to be "tough" and "bad" or they are going to be picked on, bullied and beat up nearly every single day. I'm not going to name the school but this particular problem is rampant. The children at this school of one of two options: Live and attend school in fear, or be as bad as the next guy. It is the hardest thing in the world as a parent to be afraid to send your child to school - yet are required to by law.
I don't know how many times my children have come home beat up. Or refuse to leave the school without an adult escort in order to save themselves from being beaten up. Once they learned this is how this school is they went with option #2 ...to be as bad as the next guy. To do anything else is to make yourself an even greater target for bullying. "Telling" is the *last* things my boys want to do! They have told, involved the police and have seen what happens. Almost nothing. Not until the bullies involved become extreme with their bullying. It takes the extreme bullying before the offenders are removed from the school or before they are charged with anything.
That charging other kids is another issue all it's own in this city/province. It floors me that it is up to my 13 year old son if any legal action is going to be taken, not me! He's not capable of making that decision. Left up to him he is going to say "do nothing" because to do anything else is going to bring more bullying on him - and he's right! So bullying goes on rampant. The school itself says there is not a "gang issue" in the school - all the *students* at the school know better. So does the staff, they just won't admit it.
Where and when and how did being so bad become so damn cool?!
I wish their school would try something like the students in this video did. I wish they would do *something* - *anything*.
I asked the boys to watch the video with me. I spoke them in much more detail at the abuse I have suffered at their dad's hand (as far as I'm concerned they are old enough to know the truth and that women - or those abused - often eventually *will* fight back - if they are lucky enough to feel strong enough). I've spoken about all the different ways I've handled in the past and that ultimately only one works: standing up to him and letting him know he can't do that - and charging the hell outta him every time he tried. I got tired of the threat that he will kill me and adopted an attitude of bring it on. I'm still standing. Still breathing. I'm not dead.
My boys have moved away from also doing bullying - as that was their first line of defense - that 2nd option I mentioned. They still won't report the bullying - they did at the beginning of the year and don't want to go through that again, and I don't blame them. I was quite disappointed in them to see them take on the role of bullier - but luckily that got stopped fast! They know better know - that there is some place between the two - and it might be tough to find it, but that's where you need to be.
If nothing else, I hope the video you watched touched you in some way and even if you only stop for a moment to consider how you might change your own behavior or what you can do to help diminish bullying ...then this post was worth it.
I'm as good as you and you're as good as me and that's that. End of story.
Lanie
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Been a few days!
Hey, been a few days since I had anything to say here. I guess I was in a little bit of a "funk" - I don't know, guess that's what I call it when it isn't an all out depression.
The guys in my life have been a bit of a 'bother' lately. My ex figured that when I didn't throw him in jail when I easily could have that it meant there was "something" left between us and that we should give things a try again and I didn't look forward to that fight, but I had to have it. For someone who doesn't like to hear "no" from me all the time he should change his questions or quit askin' the same one all the time! lol ...it would help :P
Anyway, the reason why I opted to request that he not do jail time? Cuz then who's gonna pay for his kids!?! He has responsibilities to take care of that affects 3 people in this house - that's why he's not in jail. Not because I "forgive" him for being an ass or think that I was wrong to call the police in the first place. Call me up freaking and threatening to kill me if I don't do what you want? I have a right to call the police. Especially when in the past the threat of violence as gone past a threat and become a fact. Why would I go back??? It was hell to get out of in the first place! Once it was good an over I knew I'd never be back so that I'd never have to try and get out again. Why do abusive men think their woman *want* to be back? Where do they get that idea from? For the poor woman who goes back, often with claims of great love ...my heart goes out to them cuz it's not that they *want* to go back ...for those women, the choice is gone.
So...I have another question - why do people (yes, people, because I've seen women do this too) think attempting to hurt someone or make them feel bad about themselves is the way to motivate them around to what you want?
For example:
My ex: actually lanie take off your clothes and stand in front of the mirror and say to your self what the #*@! does any man see in this
My ex: you should be happy if even one man in your life find's that attractive
My ex: better yet check out the latest penthouse #*@!
Of course, he's the "one man" I should be happy with! Yeah right - this sounds like something I'd be so damn happy with! And well, I kinda delight in being able to provide him a list of guys who like what they see :P ...not that I do, I don't even respond to such things ...oh but I could, lol
There is a guy that does impress me a whole heck of a lot that I'd love to work things out with that I was supposed to see on Thursday - and oh how I'd been looking forward to that for oh so very many reasons, each one he knows ;) Thursday didn't work out tho and that was a real bummer. He's got this shit going on his life that is a constant interference and as patient as I try to be, it's just getting hard.
In the end the one guy that is there - *always* - for all my happy and sad moments is the one who I love to no fuckin' end, but it hardly matters cuz he's a million miles away from me *sigh*.
I was thinking of maybe refreshing my POF profile and finding a 'summer friend.' I don't want to spend this summer sitting around wishing I had someone to do something with - ya know? Last summer was a bummed out summer ...I don't want another one this year.
We'll see.
Anyway, that catches things up -- been "away" dealing with the men in my life ;)
Lanie
The guys in my life have been a bit of a 'bother' lately. My ex figured that when I didn't throw him in jail when I easily could have that it meant there was "something" left between us and that we should give things a try again and I didn't look forward to that fight, but I had to have it. For someone who doesn't like to hear "no" from me all the time he should change his questions or quit askin' the same one all the time! lol ...it would help :P
Anyway, the reason why I opted to request that he not do jail time? Cuz then who's gonna pay for his kids!?! He has responsibilities to take care of that affects 3 people in this house - that's why he's not in jail. Not because I "forgive" him for being an ass or think that I was wrong to call the police in the first place. Call me up freaking and threatening to kill me if I don't do what you want? I have a right to call the police. Especially when in the past the threat of violence as gone past a threat and become a fact. Why would I go back??? It was hell to get out of in the first place! Once it was good an over I knew I'd never be back so that I'd never have to try and get out again. Why do abusive men think their woman *want* to be back? Where do they get that idea from? For the poor woman who goes back, often with claims of great love ...my heart goes out to them cuz it's not that they *want* to go back ...for those women, the choice is gone.
So...I have another question - why do people (yes, people, because I've seen women do this too) think attempting to hurt someone or make them feel bad about themselves is the way to motivate them around to what you want?
For example:
My ex: actually lanie take off your clothes and stand in front of the mirror and say to your self what the #*@! does any man see in this
My ex: you should be happy if even one man in your life find's that attractive
My ex: better yet check out the latest penthouse #*@!
Of course, he's the "one man" I should be happy with! Yeah right - this sounds like something I'd be so damn happy with! And well, I kinda delight in being able to provide him a list of guys who like what they see :P ...not that I do, I don't even respond to such things ...oh but I could, lol
There is a guy that does impress me a whole heck of a lot that I'd love to work things out with that I was supposed to see on Thursday - and oh how I'd been looking forward to that for oh so very many reasons, each one he knows ;) Thursday didn't work out tho and that was a real bummer. He's got this shit going on his life that is a constant interference and as patient as I try to be, it's just getting hard.
In the end the one guy that is there - *always* - for all my happy and sad moments is the one who I love to no fuckin' end, but it hardly matters cuz he's a million miles away from me *sigh*.
I was thinking of maybe refreshing my POF profile and finding a 'summer friend.' I don't want to spend this summer sitting around wishing I had someone to do something with - ya know? Last summer was a bummed out summer ...I don't want another one this year.
We'll see.
Anyway, that catches things up -- been "away" dealing with the men in my life ;)
Lanie
Monday, May 5, 2008
It's 6:00am
What the fuck am I doing up??? ...not only that, I've been up awhile! I woke up from a soar back *sigh* and so laying down just isn't doing it for me. So here I am up way early this fine Monday morning. Wonder what the weather is gonna be like. The other day, I think it was just yesterday - I noticed that it sounded like it was raining and turned and looked out the window and everything was white!! It didn't stay but jeez, it's May already and I'm totally, 100% sick of the snow and cold.
Hmmm, it's not looking that bad actually. Well, except this minute, -7c. High of 14c though, and then 18c tomorrow - but not sunny, but then sunny the rest of the week with highs 13c-15c. Normal is a high of 17c. Guess it's not too bad, and it's great cuz no where does it say more snow! lol
So, I had a *great* week-end. Ok I had a great Friday night and spent the rest of the week end kinda working that drunk off ;) Was my Auntie's 60th. Oh and in attending this party I got my first experience at karoke. That's as either a person in the audience or on stage. He he. Ok ok, I wasn't *that* brave to be on stage ...but I did cuz all us "kids" (ha ha ...not one under 35) got up on stage to do Auntie's favorite song, Me & Bobby McGee. She loved it, she cried, he he.
Amazing woman with a heart of gold and I hope there's tons and tons of birthdays in her future yet.
Anyway, I decided I was buying her shooters all night long and well of course I couldn't let her drink them alone so I had to have one every time too - oh my lord but we drank, lol ...I gotta say my body is so not used to doing that to myself. Every time I do head and out and drink a bit too much (it seriously is not that often) it takes me a couple of days to get over it!
My ex wants me back. He's trying so hardcore. I feel bad for him. We've gone way past that point of "trying again." Or, I guess I should say that I have. A long time ago. I *hate* how much he makes me have to tell him "no." It's constant and I just wish he could understand that I don't wanna fight so do try to maintain a friendship, but in doing that he always sees "more" there than what I'm giving him. I don't like the idea of having to completely ignore him. We have three sons we are raising. Teenage sons. I *need* his help! But, why does that always have to equate to some sort of "us" that he always turns into a proper "us" like we are together and to hell with anyone else I might be seeing.
Never mind who I might be seeing even ...I like to classify myself as "single but my heart it taken" lol ...except it ain't no laughing matter. It's hard and lonely to be very in love with someone you can't have. I guess, really, we (me and my ex) are going through similar feelings, just towards different people. I don't get to be with the one I love cuz lives 10,000 miles away from me. So, I try to move on. It's not easy. And some how my ex equates this to me wanting him. I'm never going back to him - life was hell. He can change and change and change and it won't matter. The core parts of him, like of anyone, don't change - and I don't like him. I don't want the same things as him. I don't value the same things as him. Seems like besides kids we have next to nothing in common.
Some how, I don't think it's going to sink in with him until I'm involved in a relationship that is in his face. He knows I'm quite serious about my Aussie. He knows there's someone else right here in the city too. Yeah, it's way so complicated ...when it could be simple if only people could just live where they want.
Well, nothing's changing today. I think I will grab my shower now and start this Monday.
Lanie
Hmmm, it's not looking that bad actually. Well, except this minute, -7c. High of 14c though, and then 18c tomorrow - but not sunny, but then sunny the rest of the week with highs 13c-15c. Normal is a high of 17c. Guess it's not too bad, and it's great cuz no where does it say more snow! lol
So, I had a *great* week-end. Ok I had a great Friday night and spent the rest of the week end kinda working that drunk off ;) Was my Auntie's 60th. Oh and in attending this party I got my first experience at karoke. That's as either a person in the audience or on stage. He he. Ok ok, I wasn't *that* brave to be on stage ...but I did cuz all us "kids" (ha ha ...not one under 35) got up on stage to do Auntie's favorite song, Me & Bobby McGee. She loved it, she cried, he he.
Amazing woman with a heart of gold and I hope there's tons and tons of birthdays in her future yet.
Anyway, I decided I was buying her shooters all night long and well of course I couldn't let her drink them alone so I had to have one every time too - oh my lord but we drank, lol ...I gotta say my body is so not used to doing that to myself. Every time I do head and out and drink a bit too much (it seriously is not that often) it takes me a couple of days to get over it!
My ex wants me back. He's trying so hardcore. I feel bad for him. We've gone way past that point of "trying again." Or, I guess I should say that I have. A long time ago. I *hate* how much he makes me have to tell him "no." It's constant and I just wish he could understand that I don't wanna fight so do try to maintain a friendship, but in doing that he always sees "more" there than what I'm giving him. I don't like the idea of having to completely ignore him. We have three sons we are raising. Teenage sons. I *need* his help! But, why does that always have to equate to some sort of "us" that he always turns into a proper "us" like we are together and to hell with anyone else I might be seeing.
Never mind who I might be seeing even ...I like to classify myself as "single but my heart it taken" lol ...except it ain't no laughing matter. It's hard and lonely to be very in love with someone you can't have. I guess, really, we (me and my ex) are going through similar feelings, just towards different people. I don't get to be with the one I love cuz lives 10,000 miles away from me. So, I try to move on. It's not easy. And some how my ex equates this to me wanting him. I'm never going back to him - life was hell. He can change and change and change and it won't matter. The core parts of him, like of anyone, don't change - and I don't like him. I don't want the same things as him. I don't value the same things as him. Seems like besides kids we have next to nothing in common.
Some how, I don't think it's going to sink in with him until I'm involved in a relationship that is in his face. He knows I'm quite serious about my Aussie. He knows there's someone else right here in the city too. Yeah, it's way so complicated ...when it could be simple if only people could just live where they want.
Well, nothing's changing today. I think I will grab my shower now and start this Monday.
Lanie
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Diggin' . . .
So, there I am, sitting down to enjoy a burger and fries in a food court while having to wait for a prescription to be filled at the drugstore. Along comes a guy justa diggin' like crazy in his nose, ffs. Talk about away to make sure I lose my appetite. Doesn't anyone have manners any more? Just like I ever told my boys when they were little, if they gotta pick their nose they needed to do so privately lol ...I mean everyone knows a booger gets stuck sometimes but the average person doesn't go diggin' to get it in the middle of some place where everyone is eating - ugh.
It was gorgeous out yesterday - beautiful. Today is only a high of 13 but I'm pretty sure the forecast is for more great weather though. Anyway, I was wearing some of my summer clothes yesterday - a top that shows a *lot* of cleavage, he he. It's always interesting to watch the people - obviously mostly men, but not just. I mean you can't look at me and not see my tits - whether I cover them up or not. 50DDD is just really, really hard to hide! ha ha ...but when I wear something like that I know I'm askin' for and going to get extra attention ;) Unlike my neice who dresses in such a fashion as a matter of daily course yet who is silly enough to think only the guys she wants to look are gonna look and gets mad at anyone else who can't take their eyes off her chest - me, I don't care, I expect it. And I just love how a guy handles getting caught lookin'.
It's sad to say but most men, if contact is made, they're all chicken, lol. They'll look away. Some, just smile, nod the head, wink or whatever. Or if it's appropriate or possible they will wanna chit-chat and try and get my number. Mostly, like 90% of the time they look away. Well that's what happened with this one guy - he couldn't help but look ...saw me notice him looking so looked away and a second later he's looking again and I happened to catch it and well fuck was he ever blushing the 2nd time around of being caught ...so there he is hurrying up and not looking now and me, I'm sitting there laughing, right out loud.
Man ...they're just tits guys lol, just tits. All right, I don't mind the looks. I honestly don't blame ya ;) Just, enjoy your glance and settle down!
Lanie
It was gorgeous out yesterday - beautiful. Today is only a high of 13 but I'm pretty sure the forecast is for more great weather though. Anyway, I was wearing some of my summer clothes yesterday - a top that shows a *lot* of cleavage, he he. It's always interesting to watch the people - obviously mostly men, but not just. I mean you can't look at me and not see my tits - whether I cover them up or not. 50DDD is just really, really hard to hide! ha ha ...but when I wear something like that I know I'm askin' for and going to get extra attention ;) Unlike my neice who dresses in such a fashion as a matter of daily course yet who is silly enough to think only the guys she wants to look are gonna look and gets mad at anyone else who can't take their eyes off her chest - me, I don't care, I expect it. And I just love how a guy handles getting caught lookin'.
It's sad to say but most men, if contact is made, they're all chicken, lol. They'll look away. Some, just smile, nod the head, wink or whatever. Or if it's appropriate or possible they will wanna chit-chat and try and get my number. Mostly, like 90% of the time they look away. Well that's what happened with this one guy - he couldn't help but look ...saw me notice him looking so looked away and a second later he's looking again and I happened to catch it and well fuck was he ever blushing the 2nd time around of being caught ...so there he is hurrying up and not looking now and me, I'm sitting there laughing, right out loud.
Man ...they're just tits guys lol, just tits. All right, I don't mind the looks. I honestly don't blame ya ;) Just, enjoy your glance and settle down!
Lanie
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